"I am definitely gonna be looking at dandelions differently now. I do love the metaphor of the dandelion and how she prepares for getting "mowed over." How she buries herself deep so that regardless of what happens around her she is grounded and deeply rooted in her strength. When it comes to picturing that as our journey when we are deeply rooted in our beliefs and our strength it doesn't matter what's going on around us we will find the peace in the chaos. And that takes practice and time. And no matter how many times we get knocked down we bloom again."
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First of all, let's get clear on the signs of burnout.
Are you experiencing these?
- Emotional exhaustion: Fatigue for caring too much for too long.
- Depersonalization: nothing left to give to anyone
- Decreased sense of accomplishment: an unconquerable sense of futility like nothing you do makes any difference
Do you have a case of the Shoulds in motherhood? We often lose sight of what we really want for ourselves and our children because of the external pressure that we are facing. Whether it be from school, church, your own parents, or your own life experiences, you have come to some pretty solid conclusions about what your life should look like. What if you could challenge those beliefs and start asking yourself questions in the moment?
Check in with yourself when you hear yourself saying 'should' to yourself, your kids, or anyone else in your life.
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I was that kid who once I knew what I wanted I was quick to make a decision and it was dear near impossible to get me to change my mind. Hell, I'm still like this... but I've had some growing up to do.
After all, now I have a husband and kids that I need to factor in to most decisions.
The other thing that I usually did as a child was figure out how to make that decision a reality on my own.
I was the oldest of 5 kids. My parents had twins when I was 8. Things had to change really fast. I adapted really quickly. I had to in order to keep the peace and survive in my family.
Often times, I was making decisions to take care of others around me rather than my own needs, desires, and emotions.
Fast forward to adulthood.
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I teared up today when I watched my son walk into school. He looked back at me and waved and then proceeded confidently into the building.
In that moment, I was flooded with emotion. It was so unexpected.
After a year being with him as a homeschooled mom, I was more than ready for him to go to school. I had a lot of projects that I was excited to work on. I was moving into my own purpose as a work at home mom and playing and enriching his day was no longer high up on my list of priorities.
He was so motivated to see friends and play with new toys. He was proud of his school projects and it didn't take me much effort to get him ready and out the door to school. I had been pleasantly surprised and honestly had prepared myself for hard mornings. He wasn't having any hard mornings!
So, why am I having these strong feelings as I watch him independently leave ME?! I mean, I was a teacher for years and watched countless parents in this same struggle.
Suddenly, I'm watching my almost 5 year old just nonchalantly walking away. All the internal dialogue begins.
"He doesn't need me anymore."
"He shouldn't have to grow up so soon."
"I'm doing the wrong thing going back to work."
"Should I change his schedule so he's not gone so much."
The thing is...when I tapped into my heart, it really was that I just missed my baby!! I want this time to slow down and I want to enjoy time with him.
It was OK to miss him AND it's OK to be sad.
Now, here's what I can do in this moment of emotion to shift this internal dialogue. I still want him to go to school and I still want to work on my passion and purpose. We will spend some special time together. We love to hike and bike together.
It was time to plan a Mother/Son outing!!
None of this scenario was about my son. It was all about what I can do to tap into my heart and lead motherhood from a place of internal wisdom. I have to feel the longing to rise above it and find the joy in it.
It's that simple. Feel it all.
If you are needing someone to talk to you about conflicting emotions in motherhood, please book a free tea talk with me. In this chat, we can discuss if any of my coaching programs can help you navigate life's changes. You don't have to feel alone in any of it.
Grab the Free PDF 15 Ways to Build Self compassion here
