How a case of the 'Shoulds' in my Motherhood led me to my greatest joy!

As a teacher, I was asked all the time about building intrinsic motivation in kids. You want to know how to get your kids to do things without them nagging. You just want your kids to want to do it. From homework to chores to getting along with siblings, you want to raise kids that just desire to do what's right!

Of course you do.

And yet, did you develop your own intrinsic motivation to accomplish your goals? Do you rely on others for accountability? Do you strive to be like others so you can motivate yourself?

Do you still want to get the 'good grade?' Or be the best in class?

This is a lot of pressure on yourself to perform in motherhood. And when your child isn't doing what is deemed acceptable, you feel defeated and not good enough.

You have a case of the 'Shoulds.'

Totally normal, but also where is the intrinsic motivation to want to be 'your' best parent? What feels good to you in your parenting?

There is no intrinsic motivation in telling yourself that you 'should' be doing anything!

So next time, you are wanting your child to do something that they just don't want to do and you're wondering when in the world are they going to want to do it on their own, practice the pause and ask yourself 'am I wanting this for them or are they wanting it for themselves?"

Practicing being in the 'in between' is so important for getting to know yourself. This is where you develop the capacity to be with 'what is' in your life. Rather than pushing and pulling. Rather than hoping for what comes next or wishing that you had done something differently in the past.

Here is a video with a short breathing practice to be with the pause. Watch it here.