Everyone has something that they hide and are ashamed about. Only in some cases, it is not a mistake or an imperfection that they want to hide, but a real diamond in the rough.
What's the diamond that you’re hiding?
For many people this feeling of not enoughness or not living up to expectations stems from childhood.
And, if you have siblings, there can be a lot of comparison that went on. And to be fair to parents doing their best, it can often be subconscious.
One child may interpret praise for a sibling as a sign that they should try harder and be more like them. Another child may decide to continue down a path that they actually don’t really enjoy just because they were told they had a real gift in that area.
Make it a point to compare sibling differences without judgment. For example, “I noticed that you love to play sports like soccer and you love to sing and dance in theater.” “Math seems to be a subject that you really enjoy and for you it seems that social studies is really enjoyable. Does that seem true to you?”
You come to conclusions at a real young age and these beliefs about yourself can be updated with a little bit of light shone on the them.
I’ll share an example from my life. I was always a straight A student and it seemed that everything came easy to me. I didn’t really enjoy writing though. It was an area that never came naturally. I had difficulty expressing myself on paper. My vocabulary seemed lacking to me and as I started studying for the SATs, I felt super challenged. My scores were lower than I anticipated and I began to feel inadequate.
I concluded that I’m not a good test taker and I’m not a good writer because I saw so many others excelling. I only focused on my weaknesses and then decided to avoid those very things that made me feel so inadequate. I concluded that I wasn’t good at it so I wouldn’t participate in those things.
When I started using my voice as a teacher, I realized that I had a lot to say and those things can be put into writing.
My strength lies in my verbal expression and I hadn’t ever realized it. I was told I was so quiet and shy. “What could I possibly have to share that’s valuable?” is just one belief that kept my light dim.
I share this story for 2 reasons:
- It’s never too late to start shining. Develop your strengths and give less attention to your weaknesses (or seek support in those areas.) Speaking of support, I would love your edits for this blog in the comments below ;)
- You can nurture your children’s star power by encouraging their talents and gifts and by not pushing in areas that they don’t find valuable. Who knows they may come back to those areas later when they find them valuable and will shine even brighter!
Many people live in a subtle depression because they're not being their brilliant self. They're living instead with glimmers of their real selves. To be more honest to yourself, we must first ask these questions. And then write out the answers. Or just ask them aloud to yourself.
- What is my resistance to being my brilliant self?
- Were you told to dim it down by someone?
- Are you comparing your star energy to someone else’s?
It can feel like you're constantly walking around with an invisible weight on your shoulders. You think no one understands or that you need to downplay the things you're good at in order to get people to like you. Sometimes it seems like other people have already figured out how to be brilliant but you're still trying to figure it all out.
Want to devote some time to polishing your unique star?
Reclaim your Body, Transform your Mind is my 6 week self-guided course to reconnect with what lights you up!
Grab the Free PDF 15 Ways to Build Self compassion here
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