Do you have a case of the Shoulds in motherhood? We often lose sight of what we really want for ourselves and our children because of the external pressure that we are facing. Whether it be from school, church, your own parents, or your own life experiences, you have come to some pretty solid conclusions about what your life should look like. What if you could challenge those beliefs and start asking yourself questions in the moment?
Check in with yourself when you hear yourself saying 'should' to yourself, your kids, or anyone else in your life.
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I find this statement from Atlas of the Heart so powerful, "There are too many people in the world today who decide to live disappointed rather than risk feeling disappointed."
So, the question is...
Are you giving your children opportunities to fail without judgment, blame, and shame?
I recently picked up Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown and quickly realized that it's exactly the kind of book that I love! Getting to know emotions and human behavior so that I can know myself more in parenting and create space for my children to know themselves.
In 2021, I was completing my Parent Coach certification and diving deep into my own human experience. I got really curious about being able to sit in the unknowing and being with 'what is'. Having a beginner mind and going round and round with self doubt as I tried new things was very scary, but these books opened my eyes in new ways.
Let's talk about why I have to establish safety everywhere I go.
As a child of an alcoholic, life was uncertain, even a bit chaotic. Then, you throw in 5 kids and a mom that was just keeping her head above water and it's a recipe for childhood trauma.
I didn't know what to expect from my parent's behaviors and I didn't feel safe at times. That feeling carried into adulthood. I can be hyper vigilant at times and take a long time to trust people. As a child, I looked like a deer in the headlights trying to take it all in and I was labeled as very shy.
When I left for college, I knew I needed strategies to be able to accomplish my dreams and stay self regulated. I found my yoga practice and on my mat, I felt a sense of safety. I was excited to be able to bring my mat with me, carrying this feeling of certainty wherever I traveled.
Now, as a mom, I don't always have the option to roll out my mat. I've developed this feeling of safety within. It has taken years and years of practice and you know what, I'm still not perfect.
When I do feel threatened by my children's behavior and I forget to go inward to find my safety, I then have to send myself some loving kindness. After all, we are all a work in progress, right?
Watch this week's video here.
Are you ready to learn the foundational SafeSeat Practice from Purejoy Parenting?
I offer an 8 week Parenting Paused course where we slow everything down so we can attune to our children in the moment and self regulate.
Grab the Free PDF 15 Ways to Build Self compassion here
