Do you have a voice in your head that tells you things like: You'll never get this right. What's wrong with you? You're too sensitive, no wonder no one likes you.
Well, first of all, I'm sorry to hear that—no one should have to deal with a voice like that!
But if you're struggling with unkind or self-depricating thoughts and wondering why they seem so persistent, then read on.
Here are four ways that I've found helpful for dealing with self-shaming:
1. You don't have to be perfect to accomplish your goals
The first step to breaking the shame cycle is to realize that you don't have to be perfect in order to accomplish your goals. It's so easy to fall into this trap: we think of our goals as some ultimate yardstick by which we'll measure our success, and then when we don't reach them exactly as planned (or at all), it feels like a failure or an embarrassing mistake.
But your goals are yours—they're not anyone else's, so they can't be correct or incorrect based on someone else's opinion!
The only thing that matters is whether you're working toward what matters most for you right now, regardless of how far along you get or how quickly. And if you're making strides toward those things in whatever way works best for YOU, then that means everything went exactly according to plan!
2. You don't have to compare yourself with others
When you are comparing yourself to others, you are not comparing your best self with their best self. You are comparing your worst self with their worst. It's a no-win situation!
You don't have to compare yourself to anyone else and that includes people who do the same job as you, people who work in the same office or location as you, people who live down the street from where you live....you get the idea!
Focus on what matters: being kinder and gentler towards yourself so that when someone says something negative about another person (or themselves), it has less of an impact on how you see them or feel about others.
3. Do not try to do it all at once
There is no shame in taking things slowly. You don't have to attack your entire backlog of tasks at once, and you don't need to let the guilt of your undone tasks keep you from enjoying your life.
Instead, narrow down what really needs doing right now and tackle that first. Once that's done, then move onto the next task on your list.
The important thing here is not trying to do everything at once; rather, it's about taking each task one at a time until all of those tasks are done!
4. Stop labeling yourself
Remember that you are a unique person, unlike anyone else, who can accomplish anything you can set your mind to if you focus on the thing rather than the shame.
You will never be able to do it all at once. It’s okay to take baby steps. Try setting small goals and celebrating them rather than beating yourself up for not achieving bigger ones right away.
Don’t compare yourself with others!
We all have different challenges and strengths, so don’t let anyone else make you feel bad about what you have or haven’t accomplished in life by comparison—your journey is your own.
The important thing here is to recognize how you’re being unkind to yourself, and then make a conscious effort to change that behavior. It might not always be easy, but it will definitely be worth it! So, go out there and love yourself for who you are, flaws and all—you deserve at least that much respect.
When you're ready to join a community of conscious mothers doing life together without shame, jump in here.