The first step in creating sacred time is being clear about what is important to each of you and have the other respect that. Being clear about your own beliefs, values, opinions and needs will help you communicate them to your spouse in a loving way. This can be done by thinking about what makes you feel loved, appreciated or respected by your spouse.
"I am definitely gonna be looking at dandelions differently now. I do love the metaphor of the dandelion and how she prepares for getting "mowed over." How she buries herself deep so that regardless of what happens around her she is grounded and deeply rooted in her strength. When it comes to picturing that as our journey when we are deeply rooted in our beliefs and our strength it doesn't matter what's going on around us we will find the peace in the chaos. And that takes practice and time. And no matter how many times we get knocked down we bloom again."
Read more...
First of all, let's get clear on the signs of burnout.
Are you experiencing these?
- Emotional exhaustion: Fatigue for caring too much for too long.
- Depersonalization: nothing left to give to anyone
- Decreased sense of accomplishment: an unconquerable sense of futility like nothing you do makes any difference
There were many really hard times in my childhood that left my parents unavailable to really help me navigate my emotional needs.
First of all, my dad was an alcoholic. He would have some really bad spells when he would not come home until really late at night or he would be just plain angry and belligerent.
This was very scary to me. Many nights I was awakened by him being really loud and arguing with my mom. I started to learn to tip toe around him or avoid him all together.
I learned that my needs were less important than keeping the peace in the family.
My mom dealt with her own anxiety and depression, which sometimes left her unable to cope with any of her children's struggles. She had to work full time and then on the weekends often needed some time away from it all.
Understandable.
My parents were extremely loving and they cared beyond words. They had endearing memories and nicknames for each one of my siblings. They would do anything to protect us from harm.
But, they both had emotionally unavailable parents far worse than any of my experiences.
For a child with big emotions and a giant caring heart, I didn't want to be another stress and burden so I kept a lot of my struggles to myself. I didn't ask for help. I became very self reliant and independent. I developed these strategies to survive in my family.
But, I really wanted parents that could hear me, understand me, and give me space to be vulnerable. I didn't know that at the time because I was busy being 'strong.'
Watch this video about the 3 Ways YOUR Parent was Emotionally Unavailable.
I've had to reparent myself.
My parent coaching program empowers you to feel it all.
We reparent ourselves so we can show up for our kids with our adult capacities.
Grab the Free PDF 15 Ways to Build Self compassion here
I teared up today when I watched my son walk into school. He looked back at me and waved and then proceeded confidently into the building.
In that moment, I was flooded with emotion. It was so unexpected.
After a year being with him as a homeschooled mom, I was more than ready for him to go to school. I had a lot of projects that I was excited to work on. I was moving into my own purpose as a work at home mom and playing and enriching his day was no longer high up on my list of priorities.
He was so motivated to see friends and play with new toys. He was proud of his school projects and it didn't take me much effort to get him ready and out the door to school. I had been pleasantly surprised and honestly had prepared myself for hard mornings. He wasn't having any hard mornings!
So, why am I having these strong feelings as I watch him independently leave ME?! I mean, I was a teacher for years and watched countless parents in this same struggle.
Suddenly, I'm watching my almost 5 year old just nonchalantly walking away. All the internal dialogue begins.
"He doesn't need me anymore."
"He shouldn't have to grow up so soon."
"I'm doing the wrong thing going back to work."
"Should I change his schedule so he's not gone so much."
The thing is...when I tapped into my heart, it really was that I just missed my baby!! I want this time to slow down and I want to enjoy time with him.
It was OK to miss him AND it's OK to be sad.
Now, here's what I can do in this moment of emotion to shift this internal dialogue. I still want him to go to school and I still want to work on my passion and purpose. We will spend some special time together. We love to hike and bike together.
It was time to plan a Mother/Son outing!!
None of this scenario was about my son. It was all about what I can do to tap into my heart and lead motherhood from a place of internal wisdom. I have to feel the longing to rise above it and find the joy in it.
It's that simple. Feel it all.
If you are needing someone to talk to you about conflicting emotions in motherhood, please book a free tea talk with me. In this chat, we can discuss if any of my coaching programs can help you navigate life's changes. You don't have to feel alone in any of it.
Grab the Free PDF 15 Ways to Build Self compassion here
