No matter how hard you try to make the holidays special and joyful, the grief creeps up in the most mysterious ways.
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There's a fine line between scaring our kids and allowing them to build resiliency.
First, a story.
I took a group of kids from a nearby school on a mindful leaf hunt. At one point, I stopped to offer a silent walk. The task was given to take turns walking at a time spaced about 100 feet apart. I went first and employed a student leader to send the next. See, at this school, the kids are trusted and their leadership skills are developed.
It was a straight shot in the trail, but along a creek and surrounded with trees so there was little visibility. However, I could see the majority of the group as I looked back.
The kids were reminded to use our mindful senses of breathing, listening, and feeling the ground beneath them. I was promptly told that this is not a 'silent' walk, there are sounds all around. Well, geez, kids are amazing creatures!!
Well, as we reflected, I was taught some valuable lessons that day! Kids are not trusted enough AND we are building fear within them.
These are the things that they told me when asked about feelings that arose.
"I felt proud because I felt like an adult.""I felt scared because I'm not used to being alone.""I felt worried because other (younger) kids were left behind.""I felt happy to be walking in the woods."
Everyone's feelings were valid and we learned so much that day!
They are capable. They can do scary things.
Some things I learned this week about allowing our kids to work through fear.
1. If they are not given any opportunities to experience fear, they will not be able to experience growth.
We often shelter our children from situations that will cause them discomfort in some way. What if you gave them an age appropriate task and told them, "I trust that you can do this?"
Does this show them that you are scared? Does it show them that they are not trusted?
No, it gives them confidence.
As they go about the task, they feel capable. They feel proud. If they reach a stumble or a moment of self-doubt, they have your encouraging words, "I trust you." They start to trust themselves.
2. Processing strong emotions shows that it's ok to feel all the feels.
When a stumbling block arises or a fear arises, let's discuss that. Ask, "what did you feel as you finished your task?" Try not to judge or give your own projections. Just be a listening ear. It will amaze you at what kids come up with. End the conversation by seeing if they have a new strategy for dealing with the fear next time. Something that may help them face it head on.
Then....trust.
Your adult children will thank you!
Need some help with routines?
If you need help navigating your own fears, please hop on over to my Facebook group where we share stories of loss, fear, big changes, and big emotions.
Grab the Free PDF 15 Ways to Build Self compassion here
Breathing!
When was the last time you stopped to think about your breathing? We take it for granted everyday. What if I told you that if you just took 5-10 minutes everyday to focus on your breathing, your overwhelm would drastically change? Give it a try!
Choose a video from my YouTube channels Blue Sky Kids Yoga or Tanya Milano Snell. Do the same one everyday or mix it up!
For me, a breathing (pranayama) session is often the best choice when I need an almost-immediate result. Whether I need to calm my nervous system or a quick boost of energy, there's a breathing pattern that will help, and usually just a few rounds does the trick. Long term, the practice can help with all sorts of things, including anxiety, stress, depression, insomnia, improved focus, and, of course increased self-awareness.
Try this video: https://youtu.be/jztN22J98J8
Do you need more than 5-10 minutes per day?
I have a FREE 7 Day Yoga Challenge: https://tanyamilano.com/landing/7-day-yoga-challenge
Join my course Get Back to Self!
https://tanyamilano.com/page/get-back-to-self
Grab the Free PDF 15 Ways to Build Self compassion here
I've never liked the idea of dieting, buying low fat, or putting some sort of metabolism boosting pill in my body. But, after 2 kids and realizing that I needed to do something differently besides exercise more, I was attracted towards Intermittent Fasting. My yoga teacher and mentor had been posting about her journey on Facebook and she inspired me to try it. I began January 2019. Read to the end to find all the resources that I used on my journey.
In this blog post, the importance of cultivating gratitude within our families is discussed as a way to make a positive impact on the world. The author emphasizes the need for a "Family Mindset" that starts with self-love and gratitude, which can then be shared with others. The post suggests various activities and practices to foster gratitude, such as having a gratitude jar where family members can write down what they are grateful for and reading them together on New Year's Day. The post also includes links to resources for interactive read-aloud sessions and scavenger hunts for both younger and older children.
Don't forget to check out the author's Facebook community for the 5 Day Break THRU Boredom challenge, where you can participate for prizes and get additional free trainings. You may also be interested in the author's Free Guide on reducing childhood stress and anxiety.
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